Steve_'s LRT phase 2

[Steve_]

She did end up messaging me saying “I lost weight, your not the only one getting beautiful”

A shouldn’t have but a conversation fired up. At some point I asked her “why did you tell me all that stuff?”
She said “because you were messing with my head and emotions”
She then said “why can’t you just say F you and hate me? I betrayed you and you still want me dude? Wtf, just hate me!”

I said “I can’t do that, why don’t you just tell me you don’t love me and your not coming back, why don’t you hate me?”
She said “I can’t do that”
So I said “well what do we do?”
She said “I can’t just leave him, I do care about him, he has never even come close to hurting me, he takes care of me, never tells me no, and his kids would rather be with me than their own mom, I can’t just F his life up and his kids life up now”
I said “but you could do that to me and our kids? Your over there fixing his life and his family, not your life and your family, you got trapped”
“She made some some comments and I did as well, I told her that “it’s not to late to walk away now it’ll just get worse and I was still willing to forgive her and let it go.”
She said “I’m sorry I can’t do this please don’t message me about anything besides the kids”
I said “ok I’m sorry, please do the same for me as well”
“She responded ok”

And that was that. Not a word since yesterday. I kept kinda needing closure, and she wasn’t giving it to me. She would never say she is done and not coming back or admit she loves him or anything she still won’t. But at least I got an answer why she can’t leave and she asked me to not talk to her besides the kids which is good because she knows she can’t do that now either if she wants to hold her own word. What a mess, this will take me years to heal from I can see that now. Just like LH said. I kept getting sucked right back in. Until I pushed so hard, apologized so much, begged her that she just couldn’t take it. I never did that the whole damn time we been seperate this 3 months. I guess I had to feel the need to try to save it or something. To make her feel loved and that I don’t hate her even though I could and probably should. It hurts pretty bad it came to this but I do feel good she doesn’t get that excuse to continue with him that I’m some mean ahole. I went down bad, swinging and fighting. But I see there is zero reason to continue. She won’t leave because he is so good to her and never hurt her and blah blah blah. Good luck with that lasting forever. She’s in fantasy land and I can’t compete with that. I won’t post anymore about her saying this or that or whatever. I’ll post every couple of days to let you know how NC is going. I’m glad she asked for it, made it easier. And no I won’t date, I don’t post anything on social media, I’m going dark. Besides scheduling kids. I’ll let you know how that goes.

To help I made a list last night of all the pain she has caused me whenever I feel sad or lonely or want to talk to her I look at that list. It helps a lot.