Can, I experienced exactly this kind of anxiety that you are experiencing, and still do. If I see an e-mail from H's lawyer or the court, my entire body goes into fight/flight and I can't think or function.

Slowly I am learning that my response is a trauma response, it has nothing to do with the message I am getting. You have to work on your trauma and your anxiety response, and then you will not feel as bad each time.

The thing about divorce is that no one can make you do anything until a trial. Everything that happens before trial is just an effort to come to an agreement before trial. But nothing you do or say is binding unless you sign something. You an annoy everyone by saying no to everything up until the day of trial. You can even say no after, and they would have to bring you back to court. I am not saying you SHOULD say no to everything, but remembering that I can helped me with my anxiety and my ability to think clearly about my options and parameters.

Another thing that I realized is that I did H no favors by allowing him to have no responsibilities all this time. I thought by cutting him loose and being totally independent, I could have peace. But all that happened is that he and his lawyer took it and ran with it -- trying to get out of any responsibilities for debt and child support and using my ability to feed our kids without him as the justification for trying to get ALIMONY! My wages are extremely low and so are H's, so it's insane to think I would have to support him in any way. And I realized that if I had gone to the state with a petition for child support even before H filed for divorce, it would have been a reality check for him and might have limited some of his absurd legal shenanigans. And even if it had no effect on limiting him, at least it would have gotten me a little extra money every month. The child support services people don't give a hoot about MLC or who is right or wrong. They collect and they do it strictly. If I were you, if he doesn't send the money, I would go through the state and just file a petition and let them handle it. You set up an account and they collect it from him and it goes into the account so you don't have to have any contact.

Does your state have a family justice center? They offer free therapy, etc., to women who have survived abuse. Abuse includes verbal and emotional and financial abuse. They helped me access services and I even got a couple bags of groceries there when I really needed it.

Remember, your anxiety is real. But what is causing it is trauma, not H's behavior or letters. He has already done his worst and you survived it. You are doing just fine, whether he gives you money or not. You will be okay. But you can try to get the money, for your kids. Make the effort but surrender the outcome. It won't kill you either way. You are okay, you are okay, you are okay.

(((((Canbird)))))

I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.