After feeling good about things between me and H and the coparenting R we were building, we had a major setback the past couple days and I am feeling pretty rotten about it all.
An issue with eldest that required me to ask H for help triggered the return of spewing, monstering, hateful, abusive H. I am detached enough to see that the request for help triggered all his guilt, shame and insecurities, but I guess I am not detached enough to deal with the abuse that results.
Yesterday we had to have a difficult conversation (I found out I was exposed to a Covid + person this past weekend) and he kept telling me he couldn't hear me and did I have my phone on WiFi calling? Did I know how to work my phone? Ugh, argh, sigh, eye roll, sigh, anger, all but saying out loud 'stupid Sage'. I am crying (because I am scared due to Covid exposure and children etc) and kept saying to him 'I am feeling vulnerable with this news, can you please speak to me kindly?' But of course I am talking to an angry brick wall and the conversation made me feel worse, not better.
And now I am awaiting Covid test results and feeling low (but healthy, fingers crossed!) and kind of helpless and so, so, so SICK of this MLC (or whatever) behavior, of being the bigger person and of constantly tapping into my depleted resources to find the best approach to dealing with an insecure, immature, mean man-child father of my children.
