LH and Steve should kiss and make up. I can kind of see both sides. I didn't go on a date for over 1/2 year after divorce. Then, I went on several OLDs, but I made it clear I wasn't looking for something serious. A couple of dates ended in "midnight rendezvous". Do I regret it? Not really. I was clear with the women I went on the date with, and part of me needed the validation that I was desirable and everything still worked (hey, divorce messes with your mind). In the end I started dating a woman that I met outside of OLD. We're still together. Things are good and we are dating exclusively, but I think it will be years before we advance to something really serious (moving in together, marriage, etc.)
In the end my one night stands were harmless. I think the key is finding like-minded women that aren't looking for something serious. I didn't want to be dishonest and hurt anybody. It helped that my XW talked me into "getting fixed". I still needed to worry about STDs (I took precaution), but at least I didn't have to worry about knocking somebody up.
Yesterday I actually got back into the kitchen after 7mo of NOTHING. I brought in homemade blueberry muffins (with blueberries I picked myself this summer ) to the office. I made a homemade sweet potato shiitake mushroom bisque. My female bff was so excited that I was cooking again. I also treated myself to shopping and buying lots of new fun sexy underwear!
Pilot took me out on Friday night after a long work day and it was super nice and lovely... but then he goes quiet the rest of the weekend. If I text him he will respond but its not reciprocated... (face palm). I realize I'm chasing this guy... UGH, must stop! I like him and I know he finds me attractive but I get the overall feeling he is not that into me. We've been out a handful of times and he initiates that... sex is pretty great but clearly I find myself wanting more.
So for that reason I'm back to meeting new people. I need to walk away from this one as much as I wish I didn't. He knows I'm not divorced so perhaps he is just being cautious? Doesn't matter... I'm not supposed to be falling for anyone at this point.
Best news is picking up my son from college this week!!!! YEAH!!!
Hmmmmmmmm. A guy is getting action from a 50 year old who looks like she’s 30 and has to put in minimal to no effort while you pursue him. He’s not be cautious he’s a smart man.
Well, you did say you made it clear to everyone up front that you were only separated and not looking for anything serious, just friends. So is a guy who probably wants nothing serious either. Just fun dates and sex.
So, does this mean you are now going to say “I’m separated and I still have feeling a for my husband , but I do want more of a relationship than just a FWB”
Bake instead. It’s safer.
And bTW, you probably don’t hear from him because he is with his Saturday and Sunday dates.
Glad you're out having fun and not locking-in exclusively with pilot guy!
Ginger has a point--you say you're unsatisfied with pilot guy in part because you want "more", but you advertised that you wanted "less". Is it possible you're not being entirely honest with yourself about your goals? I see wisdom in working on yourself before dating, but I didn't manage that myself for long. If you're advertising you're seeking less but actually want more, consider changing your advertising, and working out your must-haves and can't-stands, to improve your odds of winding up with better.
I have an old friend who can't stand being alone, insists she's just looking for casual hookups, then falls hard for people that she never would've considered if she were honest she was seeking a relationship. I'm aghast her current partner made the local news for allegedly abusing his own children. Getting over her ex before dating seriously would've helped immensely. Being up-front about her goals would've helped.
Originally Posted by Ginger
And bTW, you probably don’t hear from him because he is with his Saturday and Sunday dates.
Of course. This is the nature of the beast that is modern (multi-)dating.
Well, you did say you made it clear to everyone up front that you were only separated and not looking for anything serious, just friends. So is a guy who probably wants nothing serious either. Just fun dates and sex.
So, does this mean you are now going to say “I’m separated and I still have feeling a for my husband , but I do want more of a relationship than just a FWB”
Bake instead. It’s safer.
I hope you are using protection
Well I really wasn't looking for anything more at the time??? I didn't feel I'd find anything I'd want something to be more committed too??? If that makes sense?
Quote
And bTW, you probably don’t hear from him because he is with his Saturday and Sunday dates.
Maybe???
I know he kind of complains about how quiet I am - I'm more of an introvert. So perhaps that part of the issue??? He will reply to my text, even this morning. But, he isn't initiated that much in the last 3 days and he certainly isn't showing interest in what I'm doing or up too... so that's a clear red flag. And, I wasn't supposed to like him this much either.
So making plans with a couple of new guys.
And CW - I'm completely comfortable in being alone. I've got lots of great hobbies that keep me busy but I realized my mind was getting mushy and it often drifted back to my H. Its been great to go days at a time and not have my head go there. Its just fun getting out. I can go out to a restaurant or a bar alone and being completely fine... it doesn't bother me. What I'm missing is interaction and conversation... it has helped my mood immensely.
Oh boy. You are acting the same way you do about this guy as you do your H. He isn’t interested in more than a date and screw, I’m afraid. That’s what you advertised, that’s what he was shopping for. And so were you. No need for overanlysis
Uuummmmm. That’s why you like him. If he was interested you wouldn’t. Remember you are broken so nothing makes sense.
So you are saying I only like him because he is not interested in me?
No, I like because I find him interesting... and kind... and smart...
But, I recognize that I'm "chasing" him. I don't hear from him for a day... so I just texting him to say good morning and all that dumb stuff. He responds but doesn't keep the convo going... so I take that meaning that he is not that into me.
Oh boy. You are acting the same way you do about this guy as you do your H. He isn’t interested in more than a date and screw, I’m afraid. That’s what you advertised, that’s what he was shopping for. And so were you. No need for overanlysis
