WF, I missed this one a just read it today. Such good advice, I love the TikTok woman's approach and worldview.

Originally Posted by wayfarer
So care tasks - cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping. The things that you can finish but are never finished. She does a lot of work around not valuing yourself on how well, quickly or often you complete care tasks. That you are not valued as a person based on those things. That your home is a home it is lived in and there is no need to be a Better Homes and Gardens photo shoot. She also does a lot of work on allowing yourself the space to use short cuts like paper plates, ordering take out, paying a little more to have groceries delivered, whatever it may be to help ease the burden. She also talks about being willing to let the laundry pile up, or to not vacuum for days. To not force things in for the purposes of a tidy home, to do them because you feel like it, or because it needs to be done. And doing these things within the limits of how much you have the energy for. If you only have time and energy for 2 loads makes it underwear, socks and other essentials. Things like that. The self care part, she doesn't just talk about bubble baths and yoga. She talks about protective hairstyles for all types of hair so you don't have to wash your hair every day if don't have time or energy to shower every day. She talks about finding space for yourself during the day even if it means not being super mom and popping on some Disney+ and throwing fruit snacks at the kids.


I am still haunted by H's list of things he doesn't like about me and on that list was that I am messy. I am triggered by it and am working myself to the bone to maintain a tidy house in the midst of this chaos and 24/7 in-home, just to prove to myself that I am not in fact a messy person.

But whom am I doing it for? The ghost of H? Kind of makes me want to cry.

I am all about protective hairstyles, Disney +, olders watching littles, and my kids pulling their own weight around here. And those things have kept me going since homeschooling started in September. But I guess nearly three months in and I just need more... something. Time? Space? Autonomy? Another adult? Maybe I am just weak?

We are all suffering under the weight of this pandemic. I know I am not alone. I will get through this. I think everything is catching up with me.