I stopped saying anything to her. It’s been 3 days. She reached out, told me she missed me, told me she wasn’t sure if this is what she wanted. She had surgery yesterday and will be messed up for a week. Don’t even know what To say to all that. I simply said “well you keep doing it?” She said “I’m in too deep now” I just told her “that’s an excuse, you had no problem making us sell our home and filing divorce on me, stop playing games with me, you have until Monday To make up your mind, you keep saying you want out over and over well now is your chance before you dig the hole deeper and the kids find out, I’ll help you get out but if you don’t make up your mind by then I’m walking away and never looking back” haven’t said a word to her since then. She calls me face time I put the kids on the phone and stay off it. I don’t speak and I don’t reply. I have nothing left to say.
I mean it 100%. I can’t do this anymore. I am ready to let go and get on with my life. This is BS. I’ve done everything I can to allow her to correct this mistake. If she doesn’t take it fine. I began cutting her out of my life and she knows that which is why she is trying to keep me on a leash. I refused going to her sisters for dinner. I don’t want to be part of her family anymore. Now or never no more excuses. I get to hold my head up high if she says no. And I don’t have t have the shame and regret she will have. That’s good enough for me. I never cut her off or gave an ultimatum. I was always too weak to do that. This time I don’t care anymore. I’m just tired of this. At this point I could care less what happens, I just want it to be over.
How did she reach out? How did she word the missing you and not sure what she wanted? Is the question "Well you keep doing it?" listening or validating?
In short, did you stick to the rules of engagement.
Ex. Her: "I miss you." You: NO RESPONSE Her: "I am not not sure this is what I want." You: NO RESPONSE
Remember, you are LRT. Do not answer phonecalls. If it is important then she will leave a message or follow up with a text. If she texts a statement, you do not respond! If she asks a question, take your own sweet time in responding, but then you respond in the shortest message possible. Yes or no questions get yes or no answers.
If she engages with you around kid pickup or drop-off....LISTEN and VALIDATE!
You only ever initiate contact when it is logistics around picking up your kids, or dropping them off. That's it.
Again, you engage with her way too much at this point. You get in back-and-forths. Every time you do that, regardless of what you say (and trust me she doesn't believe she only has until Monday any more than I believe there is a man in the moon!) it tells her you are still on the hook.
ACTION OVER WORDS.
Last edited by Steve85; 11/19/2010:04 PM.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
