A couple of things. First, most people tend to outwardly show their LL to others. For instance, if your LL is PT, then you will tend to show love to others through PT! Hugs, shoulder rubs, etc. So if she is someone that is a gift-giver likely that is one of her LL. Now, that doesn't mean running out and showering her with gifts. Right now you are in awareness mode. Since your sitch is so different than the others here, where a spouse has already said they want a D. You caught it and came here before that point! That's a good thing!
Now, since your situation is so different, QT is not a bad approach. You have to walk a fine line though here. Suddenly smothering her with QT efforts and requests may make her recoil. So just like with the touch charges I suggested, be subtle here. QT could be sitting on the couch having a conversation. It could be taking her on a very formal date to a very nice restaurant where you both get dressed up. It could be lots of things between those extremes! Things like he saying, I am running up to the store to pick up some things, do you need anything? "You know what, why don't I go with you so I can shop for what I need too?" Then you get some QT in the car on the way there and back! Subtle, but still there.
As far as discussing your LL with her, I would wait on that. Once you get into MC, most MC will start with LLs. And have you both take the assessment and then share that with each other. So just do what works for now (clearly QT seemed to), and keep that up! Just try to avoid being overtly needy and clingy. Again, it is a fine line!
As far as NGS. You are the first I've heard come back and say that you are actually are having emotional issues thinking about changing it. You mention you think this led you to IC in the past, I think this would be a good next step now. But I do encourage you to finish reading the book. If you are having the attitude of the opposite of NGS being a "SoB" then you are not really understanding the issue. NGS is actually being a "SoB" deep down. Since everything you do has a hidden agenda, expects something in return, and really there is nothing "nice" about NGS! Finish the book and you will see, I think a lot of your emotional reaction you are having will be alleviated when you really start to grasp the concept. NGS is an awful way to live for yourself, but also the others around you!
As far as her "depression", I would let that lie for now. I quoted depression because neither of us is certified to diagnose her. Maybe she has sleep apnea so she wakes up in the morning as tired, if not more, than when she went to bed. And the lack of good sleep could be causing her to be distraught. Or it could hormonal (I don't recall your ages, you might want to do a signature like many of us have, it is very helpful when responding). Bottom line, she has to want to get help for it, and likely right now you mentioning it will just be another source of irritation, that you are trying to "fix" her. There may come a time when you need to have a conversation with her about it, but personally I think you let it lie for now.
"And that’s it, my days are pretty much roller-coasters and mood-swings, but trying to keep this to myself and not let it show on the outside. She really praised me for my behavior for the past week and the weekend, and said she had a very good time with me and our D."
Great. keep up the good work! If you are already in IC, great! Start talking to your IC about NGS. If you aren't in IC, get back in it! Focus on you, overcoming your NGS, but continue to subtly try to fill her LT and reestablish a connection. Look, just your efforts so far resulted in her initiating sex! That shows that being attentive (but not overbearing) can pay dividends.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
