But I think the fundamentals are found in a quote that I have learned to be so true:
"Women marry a man hoping he'll change. Men marry a woman hoping she won't."
There in lies the rub. Women tolerate a lot from men, even during dating. Thinking, "once we are married he won't spend so much time hunting, going out with the guys, being a momma's boy, etc." Men think their GF is perfect the way she is, so when after the wedding suddenly the 3-5 times a week having sex turns into 1 or 2 times (or less), and that she is now insisting he not spend so much time hunting, going out with the guys, and being a momma's boy, he feels suckered.
She went into the marriage expecting that there would changes after marriage, he goes in thinking everything will be exactly like it was before. That gets the ball rolling on the resentment, frustration, and malaise. She sits at home wishing he were different. He goes out to escape wishing things hadn't changed. And the ball just rolls further down hill from there.
I've watched this dynamic play out many times. Sometimes it takes years. Sometimes it takes mere months or weeks. The fact is that each went into the marriage expecting different things. And then the couple thinks, individually, "once we have kids then things will smooth out!" FAMOUS LAST WORDS.......................
Excellent write up Steve..
This and LH19s write up on resentment should be given to every guy on their 18th Birthday !
"Happy Birthday Son - Heres your birthday card - oh and read this as well"
Unfortunetly, many don't click in until its too late - many others go through life in a rubbish relationship.
It is interesting how little information is shared with a newly minted adulted headed into the world of adult relationships! Obviously, some parents are better about this than others, but I certainly never received good advice about what to expect as relationships move from casual dating into potential marital partners. Certainly would help if there were life-skills classes that could potentially teach these kinds of things. (I am concerned about the direction those classes would go in though with the current slant of public schooling!) But in general we turn high school and college graduates out into the world to figure things out for themselves. Some can handle it, most cannot.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
