@ Sandi, thanks for your post, it is not too hard and it touches right into my heart. I have continued working with my IC, she is focused on the fact that I do not accept W left the M over a year ago. It surprises me how much pro D she can sound, I argue with her on this based on my principles and her reply is always that she does not have W there to work together so her POV is we are already Dd and she is there to help me stop pursuing W and becoming that man I keep talking about.
I think you just need to be honest when writing your posts to us, instead of saying the words you think we want to hear. I decided that's why you write many things that sound contradictive, b/c you would practically copy the words we would say, but it wasn't how you felt.
I honestly don't know what to suggest that might help you accept the M is over. Did you ever determine if she is seeing another man? Wasn't there something about an OM? I remember you were very upset, but I don't think you followed up with us about that subject.
I suppose when you've had enough of it, maybe you will be able to forgive yourself and move on with life. I still question that this is b/c of your great love for your W. As horrible as she's been to you, it doesn't make sense why you would still pursue her, especially since you've seen no positive results from pursuit. I'm not saying you don't love her, but I think your struggles are due to something else deep inside of you. It prevents you turning lose and moving on with another life. You speak more about the sorrow of losing the "family", and how it affects your children, which is understandable. I wonder if you are really pursuing that dream of having the family back together, rather than wanting her b/c you love her so much. IDK, I'm just talking.
If your IC is helping, then stick with her, but if you feel you have to explain your POV, or get her to be pro marriage.......maybe you need to change counselors. Only you know if it benefits you. Is she helping you as much as the board, or helping you more? I really hope she helps you to stop pursuing your W. After all this time, it is hard for me to understand why you persist in doing what doesn't work. You are one of the more stubborn men to accept those old ways do not work on a hard hearted woman. Don't chase people who don't want to be with you.
Maybe I have sounded pro divorce at times, but if so it is b/c I try to make you think outside your own box.
Hope you will continue giving us updates. ((hugs))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
You are one of the more stubborn men to accept those old ways do not work on a hard hearted woman. Don't chase people who don't want to be with you. 