I’m tired. Like, bone-deep, soul-weary tired. Tired of pushing and cajoling life and trying to make it work to my will.
It makes me realize how much I’ve been working to orchestrate the situation the last few years. Trying to help intervene in my W’s deteriorating relationship with the kids, her work schedule, her sleep schedule. Always trying to help, interject, or encourage a specific outcome.
You have said everything in just a few words, what I wanted to say. Orchestrate is a great word that describes the the "work" of many newcomers.
You've tried to carry all the load, hoping it would fix the problems. You have been compassionate and patient with your W, and you've tried to reach her heart, but she isn't responding in a positive way. What ever is her problem, she has to figure it out and fix it. I think for some H's, they feel they are giving up hope, when they realize they can't fix their W.
IMHO, both of you need individual therapy, and you need help for the kids. I've never heard anyone refer to their child as special needs when they had ADHD. I've been around a lot of ADHD kids, but to my knowledge they were never defined as special needs children. How are things going for him at school?
What method of discipline is used with your oldest son? Are the two of you on the same page in how to discipline and manage them? I can't help but think your W is in deep depression, due to being a SAHM and not able to manage the kid issues. It doesn't make her a bad mom. Some women just aren't cut out to stay home all day, b/c of how it effects them mentally. I really hope you will reach out to professionals that can help with your child.
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I’m not depressed, I’ve been there before and I know the feeling. I still have interest in my life and hobbies, I just can’t summon the energy to engage with them. I’m sort of watching it from the sidelines and observing the changes in myself right now, and commenting for anyone who might be going through the same thing.
It seems your body is reacting as if you're depressed. I don't know how you have time for hobbies, etc., b/c you've been giving so much time & effort at home. I hope you don't reach the point that nothing is interesting. I think it could happen, considering how you currently feel. Don't wait long, to see if you get to feeling better. Get to a doctor.
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But not now. She does what she does, all I need to do is work, spend time with the kids, and breathe. It’s much less work, and I can feel myself sort of decompressing a bit at a time.
You have to protect your body & spirit. Decompressing is good, but don't become completely passive, as you observe the sitch. Finding a healthy balance is key.
((hugs))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
