I admit, I let myself get consumed with sadness. On the plus side, I was exhausted when I went to bed and slept like a baby.
I think what bothers me is that D sees his behavior. I want to be a good example to her and show that when the going gets tough, you do not stop trying. Unfortunately, I do not know if H sees anything other than what is in his tunnel. I know enough to know, that regardless of what he sees or not, I know what I am doing is positive for me.
As you know, I see bits of him, but I also see someone who seems to be literally disgusted to be near me. He can make in passing small talk but if we have to be nearby for a moment or two, I feel his uncomfortableness.
I don't know if I mentioned D got a job and she is now working from home. Since H is living in her bedroom, she is living and working in the Living room. I realized yesterday, when I came home, the only "person" happy to see me is the dogs. Now don't get me wrong, I love these furry girls, but she's working and if he is home, he does not come out to greet me. I realized yesterday, it hurts. When was the last time he genuinely smiled or laughed with me? When did he begin this assent into this crisis? I don't know.
I also know that I am getting tired of the house being filled to capacity. I like the rooms used for their purposes. I have an H living in the second bedroom and a D living and working in the Living Dining room. The kitchen has her overflow since she does not really have a closet and it is stressful to someone like me who does not like chaos.
I think in order to feel a little better and exert some control in a situation that is way bigger than me, is to purge some items for donation. It will make me feel better.
TOday is work from home day for me. Let's see if he comes around.
