Tonight, I as scrolling through social media and came upon a beautiful picture of a place I’ve wanted to visit. I showed D as she was nearby. I said something about of how pretty it was but I won’t visit when it is winter. She responded “why don’t you move there?” I know she meant it nicely, but it stung. If I move, I’m moving on.
I responded, that I had a lot here. (Parents, sisters family, niece and nephews) But what I really meant was my H is here.
After a little bit, I said, “ you know I’m hoping your dad eventually comes out of what he is dealing with and we can stay married” i caught her rolling her eyes. So I asked her why. She said she can have an opinion. So I asked her if she thought it was possible, she said slim chances.
I explained, I took a vow and I even though he has broken his, I won’t. She’s a bit more cynical being 25 and out in the world, but I still have hope and I am feeling dumb. But having someone who lives here and sees his behavior tell me that is so jarring.
Am I dumb for standing? It’s been 18 months. I know some of you have stood longer and some, less. Each day I look ahead and just take care of the plans I have. I don’t include him in decisions that are day to day. In fact, I had been having some back pain, went to the doctors, ended up going to physical therapy and he had no idea. He only found out when he came home and I was leaving and he asked where I was going.
I see so much of him still relying on me for basic household things. But is it convenience? He’d have to figure out how to balance a checking account and pay rent and I think he could. (I mean he’s a grown man?) but sometimes I feel maybe that’s the only reason he sticks around?
