#18 - Still working 2 years into Ring & Piecing

[Ready2Change]

First, I would like to thank steve85 for letting us hijack your thread. Let us know if we should take this discussion back to BL42 thread.

Also I would like to thank Sage for sharing the female perspective.

This is a fascinating conversation and I wanted to add some thoughts from a female perspective.....I didn’t feel like the hot young thing he was initially attracted to and to relive our hot and heavy days, I needed to be lured back to that mental landscape. He was too easy and available.
3. Sex felt like a chore ....The remedy was to inject a little bit of the pursuer/distancer dynamic into the R. It wasn’t enough that he stopped asking it of me, I needed to feel that I was going to lose him. His confidence spiraled and that made it even more unattractive to me. I wanted someone to dominate me, be the strong, manly, knight in shining armor, sweeping me away from the mundane. He leaned on me to be the caretaker of him not only physically, but emotionally, which was a turnoff.
Women approach sexuality from their minds, not their nethers. We require a certain headspace to get into that sexual place.

My question is what do you think caused the drop off in sex initially? Why do you think your sex life was "off the charts" while dating to "Almost immediately she started to lose her interest in sex"? .... And how to I improve myself and/or see the red flags for next time?

BL42, Others have given you good insight. Take a look at what I put in bold from Sage4. Use that as the foundation for your new understanding. Turning a woman on is easy. It is about how she FEELS in your presence. It is about SURPRISE and EXCITEMENT. There is a balance between attraction and seduction.

Look here for counter-intuitive ways to attract:
https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2061094#Post2061094

Read as much as you can about every area that you would like to improve. Decide what beliefs and behaviors are no longer working for you and which new ones you would like to have. Completely reinvent yourself if you want.