Hi Sage, I would love to give you some advice on all this but when I see a spouse reacting so childishly I struggle to not want to tell someone to be petty with a response. I know that's not productive in any way. I'm frustrated watching you drowning under responsibilities with 4 kids and it feels like he's getting them like every other weekend and barely accommodating that into his new life. A few extra hours a week as a compromise to help lift the burden when being subjected to the Spanish Inquisition because you want to run and take a long shower alone and in the quiet seems like you're taking on more. Not less.
I don't have any real solutions for you here. Honestly I'd really like for you to look H in the face and say "A) I don't have to explain myself to you, you left B) Because of A it's none of your business but just so we're clear I'm not seeing any one C) You don't have to worry about me, I'm not you." Granted like I said not productive, enlightened or compassionate on your end, but IMO those are the petty responses his ridiculousness deserves. But given that that isn't really an option I just a have few questions.
Is there anyone else in your life who could spend sometime with the kids to give you a break? I know covid and all, but is there any one who could pop in, even masked just to give you a breather? Can you pop on a movie and leave the bigger ones in charge of the littler ones for 80 min in the house with you to get a quiet moment or two? Next as far as the accusations go, would a conversation with H help? Like a "I am not seeing anyone, I have no intention of seeing anyone any time soon. My health and the health of my children is not something I'm willing to compromise for a date. If, and this is a big if, if the time comes where I am dating some one, and it's serious enough that I'm even considering allowing that person around the kids you'll be the first to know. It's something I think you deserve to know. But as of right now I'm just worried about staying sane during all of this. I need the time and space so I don't end up in the funny farm and for no other reason and I'd really appreciate if you could give me your help with some compassion instead of suspicion." Because I'm a jerk I'd tack on a "I think I deserve that much, don't you?" But once again not super productive.
