#18 - Still working 2 years into Ring & Piecing

[MrBrside]

When my W was 12 she found out her mom was having an affair and going to divorce her dad. That and the resulting divorce impact caused her much anxiety and depression and she was in counseling and on ADs for two decades before we met. A couple people warned my mom about her but I guess I was in love and she swore to me she would stick it out and never wanted to be like her mother. I can't help but feel she couldn't escape her past/modeling, and her upbringing is rearing its head in my sitch.

My WW's dad had an affair and left when she was 4. She frequently told me her earliest childhood memory was sitting at the top of the stairs crying, as she watched her mum beg the father not to leave. She has a very poor / non existant relationship with her father, who she went through life blaming for anthing and everything. She caried a lot of resentment over this - Which is why i found it so strange that she started to message / flirt with other men.

Re the sex thing. As a couple we made love every single day, multiple times from the day i moved in until the night before our first child was born - From memory, there were 2 days in that whole 12 month period when we didnt - as i was on a stag do and away for 2 days. Thats it. From the day our first daughter was born, she has no interest in me again - like maybe once a month.

There could be many reasons for this, but i do believe ( ive mentioned here before ) that personality disorders come into play ( along with a lot of other factors Steve has mentioned ) - My WW used to pickup and drop friends like hot coals.. As soon as D1 was born, i didnt get a look in - i was last years news.. Once D2 was born, D1 was no longer the favourite. D3 was then the focus... Now D2 is the apple of her eye according to the D1, who really doesnt have a good relationship with her mother. This is a trait of NPD.

Agreed. Definitely a lot to learn from these post - this forum has been very helpful for me and so many others I'm sure.

Unfortunetly, you wont find the things you read / learn here in any education system. Yet if you learn and soak up the knowlege, most LBS will realise they were pretty clueless when it came to their relationship.. Hence why learning and changing is so important for either reconsiling or your next relationship - something crazy like 95% of affairs fail within 5 years. I think i read that if look look at the numbers of affairs and chances of making it past 5 years, you have a higher chance of winning the lottery - why do they fail ? i think a big part has to do with bother WW / OM / OW not working on themselves and history repeats..