#18 - Still working 2 years into Ring & Piecing

[BL42]

Sage4,

I appreciate weighing in from the female perspective. It was an interesting read, especially the need for the pursuer/distancer dynamic in addition to just regular dates. I'll have to consider love languages and pursuit in my future relationship. I wonder though, what made sex feel like a "one more chore" as opposed to something you desired? Was it simply the pursuit dynamic?

I also just want to stand up for women in the ‘ensnaring’ commentary.

Unless she is a sociopath, or on the spectrum of a serious personality disorder, most women do not approach M with the intent of ensnaring. That sounds to me like a cop-out for men who can’t own their contribution to the SSM or the M. And you don’t hear women suggesting that men ensnared them, so it also feels very sexist to me. Do women make certain choices based up on their perceived future stability? Absolutely. But I would argue men do the same thing and yet we don’t call it ensnaring.

I hesitated to use the word "ensnare", assuming it could be controversial, hence the "for lack of a better word" comment. I don't think W is a sociopath, though I do wonder if her finding out as a teenager her mom was having an affair and divorcing her dad and the resulting issues/counseling/ADs is rearing its ugly head in my sitch. I'm also not trying to cop opt - just trying to understand the whole situation more and learn from it - but it does seem like there are plenty of men, including Steve, LH, and MrBrside saying sex fell off dramatically after marriage. Why the change so quickly if there wasn't a "while we're dating I'll be interested, but now that I'm married I don't have to anymore" factor?