#18 - Still working 2 years into Ring & Piecing

[MrBrside]

Steve,

Your update on how things change was brilliant.

I also just want to stand up for women in the ‘ensnaring’ commentary.

Unless she is a sociopath, or on the spectrum of a serious personality disorder, most women do not approach M with the intent of ensnaring. That sounds to me like a cop-out for men who can’t own their contribution to the SSM or the M. And you don’t hear women suggesting that men ensnared them, so it also feels very sexist to me. Do women make certain choices based up on their perceived future stability? Absolutely. But I would argue men do the same thing and yet we don’t call it ensnaring.

Unfortunately Sage, statistically personality disorders are on the up.. It could just be that records / research etc wasnt what it is today in past decades - but there has never been so much documentation / evidence / resrearch into personality disorders.

There is also some debate / evidence that child hood truama such as parents seperating is a contributing factor to these disorders.. Take into accout how many more people divorce / seperate now, compared to the 70s and 80s, you can see why there are a so many messed up people.

And from my persepective, WW was on the pill, but managed to get pregnant 3 months into our relationship, claiming she "must have forgot to take it". I was already seeing the red flags ( i'll be honest when i say, i did ignore them ) - but would i have been with her after 6 months if she hadn't of falled pregnant - No!

So i would say there is ensnaring - Wolfmans Sitch is a scary example of this !

Maybe ensnare is too harsh a word, but there is often an aspect of a GF being willing to do things, sexually or not, to get married. I know women that were very into their boyfriends hobbies..... Until the I does were done, and then it was "go do your own thing". So it certainly does happen.

Like the sex, the whole "change to impress" things is oh so common. Until our first child was born, my WW shared all my hobbies. Especially fast cars. Once D1 was born, she showed total disrespect for my cars, calling them "chavy".. Yet there were photos of her on our fireplace posing next to them. I don't believe she ever had an interest in cars, but for that 11 month period, she "pretented" to be really into them - even helping my swap an engine out when 3 months pregnant.



It is these posts that the LBS needs to read to realise they are not alone, but also to learn - then not make then same mistakes next time around..