I'm glad you could wait 5 hrs before you responded, if it's part of your plan in calming emotions and controlling your impulse to respond. IDK, since you didn't say. However, let's clarify something. NC doesn't mean "waiting" so many hours before responding. You've told her you wouldn't talk to her unless it was about the kids. So, she baits you and gets exactly want she wanted. Look below:
Quote
"Your laying next to him in our bed and now you care if im okay? No, you dont. You made your choice, I hope your happy with it."
You have "victim" plastered all over this response. You're trying to make her feel bad, but it's not working. It just makes you unattractive. You wanted to say much worse, b/c that's you wanting to fire back at the one who is hurting you.
Quote
It seriously pissed me off that she had the nerve to even ask me that. She is trying to relieve her guilt. Not going to let her use me like that. I probably shouldnt have responded but that just seriously pissed me off in a like "how dare you even ask" kinda way. I wanted to say much worse but I did not. I know I cant do that again. I will stick to radio silence.
#1......it doesn't matter that you were pissed off! You'll remain pissed until you let go of her. Emotions do not give you a pass to repeat the same old action. Get it? You reacted to your emotions. She's better at this game, than you are, so I suggest you stop playing. She only pretends to be concerned, b/c she wants you to be her BFF. #2.....stop kidding yourself about her guilt. You want her to feel guilty.....b/c then it would make more sense to you. #3.....your words let her know that you are still very attached, and that she can emotionally manipulate you. She knows she hasn't lost you. When will you decide (through actions) that she has lost you? #4.....how many times are you going to vow to stick to radio silence, and then cave when she asks if you are okay? #5.....why didn't you come talk to the board before you replied to her? My guess is you didn't want talked out of it. You knew you were going to wait around and then reply.
Every time you respond, you have to start over. Your words didn't hurt her, nor shock her out of waywardness. I want you to get this, b/c many LBH's think they can something powerful enough to make the WW stop and realize what she's doing. She owned you during those 5 hrs of waiting.
So, what's the plan next time? B/c there will be a next time, and a next, and a next.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
