It sounds to me like you have to dump this C. She sounds like she is confusing things further and telling your XH to go ahead and move on.
Maybe he told her things to make her behave this way. I don't know. But, it sounds to me like you have no choice to continue trying to reconcile unless you get rid of her and move to another. There has to be a good one. Find a good C in your area before dumping her and then try to move on. Ask H if he will consider it for your closure or something.
I don't buy it, I think he said ILY because he felt it.
As far as getting to the physical part, I got him drunk. Yes, I know, it's rather seedy. But, I noticed that when he was drinking, he was more "affectionate." Before that, he wouldn't do it at all. Well, he got drunk and we ML once, then he felt guilty so I told him it didn't have to mean anything. Back then, he was absolutely sure about D. He didn't have "any feelings for me, just numbness." He "didn't want to lead me on by having sex with me or going away for a weekend."
I started by telling him it was OK with me if we were just "friends with benefits." That it didn't have to mean anything, just physical release. He seemed fine with this. It helped to relieve his guilt. It became more and more frequent as I showed him it didn't have to have any emotional meaning. I would make it quick and not try to kiss or get him romantically involved.
Back then, he would just put his hands behind his head and close his eyes. Wouldn't touch me. I felt like I was a whore. I decided to keep going, though, and I'm glad I did. Little by little, I got him to begin to touch me and such. He opens his eyes now. Sometimes keeps them closed still, but I think now instead of being because he doesn't want to look at me, it's because the feelings are coming through and they confuse him. That's OK with me.
However, it's working against me now, I think. We have gotten to a part where it is more emotional. I guess it had to become something other than "just sex" eventually. After all, he does have some feelings for me. It definitely worked in my direction in the beginning.
So, it went from him keeping his hands behind his head and eyes closed to looking at me and smiling. He touches me, he tries to please me (didn't care before), he holds me during his O, and cuddles with me afterwards. Not just cuddles, but holds me tightly all night long. A few times I have woken him up for ML and he thanks me the next day, as if he has been thinking about it all day.
Why does it seem to be working against me? We seem to be at a point where he will ML to me but still won't kiss me. When I put my face near his, he turns his head. Won't go near me with his lips. This is a big step that I want to take. I want to go back to kissing him. He says he can't hold my hand or kiss me because I feel like his sister to him. It feels too weird and awkward.
I actually asked him about it last night. How do you ML to me but can't kiss me? Or hold my hand? How do you reconcile ML to someone you say feels like your sister? He says I am analyzing too much. I said fine, and let it drop. After all, it took about a month of ML with him completely shut off from me physically. He would actually cross his arms after O so that I couldn't hold him or come close to cuddling with him. Now he is holding me. There's progress, I hope we make further progress. Mainly, I got here to where we are by not making a big deal out of it.
