You are correct, H is insecure. The green eyed demon of jealousy/suspicion is tormenting him.
You not being a ‘none of your business’ type gal, perhaps you could do something else instead of an email. Written things will get bought up again and again by an emotionally troubled person; I think it’s best to limit that cycle. Still it is good to acknowledge and validate his feelings. And by the way, it is good he is sharing them. Such as it is.
It is good that he feels what it might be like to lose you or at least he somewhat recognizes the possible consequences of his actions. Again, such as it is. Remember he is driven by emotions, and those are cranked to eleven. So don’t expect much in the way of empathy or even consistent emotional behaviours. He just isn’t there...yet.
“H, I’m sorry you feel that way.”
You need not explain yourself to him. It might even by best to not explain anything to him. Let him stew with his subtle accusations. Things we say to our MLCer spouse, usually will get turned around and used as some irrational form of justification. You can see that from his reactions if you don’t answer the phone quick enough, or make some family decision. He is going to irrationally leap to whatever conclusion feels right for the moment he is in. Keep calm and give him no purchase or handhold to start a struggle with you.
“H, I’m sorry you feel that way. I was driving and could not answer your call.”
If you like, you could include the “why”. It depends on the situation, and you know that better than us.
The way to deal with this daily issue is to kind of not deal with it. Let it go. Just validate and keep moving forward. Your demonstrated good life is a beacon to him. Keep living it. If your life is a bit mysterious, good.
H is on his path, and nothing you do will greatly affect that. Your possible influence, is up to H to see. And he is watching.
Keep leading by example. Be honest. Be cordial and kind. Insecure people need to see, and feel, a better way, and then decide to move towards that better way. Don’t forget, H is emotional stunted and needs to grow up.
And as an emotional teenager, H will test you. Will rebel. Will aggravate. Don’t take the bait. Live that better life and leave him to decide to catch up when he is ready to.
I have four kids. And oh boy, It is so nice once they move from that particular rebellious stage. Currently, it is only D18 and a bit of S20 within that. S22 and S23 seem to have grown and are (mostly) passed it. And yes, it was aggravating.
Just a few thoughts during my break from setting up the Christmas tree. Have a wonderful day Sage.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
