Steve_'s LRT phase 2

[Steve_]

Not a single word today. Just left her text “I’m not so sure anymore” right where it was. Radio silence.

My in laws were kinda disappointed I went to my apartment today. I need space. And her mom got it. My Mom told me her mom cried in AZ that she has to move away now and it’s my W’s fault. Just a few months ago we’re we’re so sure and she was so happy and beautiful decorating that new home. It’s sad. She hurt a lot more than just me. That’s her cross to bear. It really helped me to hear that LH I gotta focus on me. And Sandi when you said she is the loser here you are so right. She has to live with this the rest of her life and I don’t. I sort of pity her. Yet another new girl at work gives me googly eyes and touches me, looks at me too long. Catch her staring. It feels nice but I’m not even close. As LH said it will take probably at least a year until I’m healthy enough and knowing me It may be longer. I’m okay with it. It’s hard it really is. I’m really sad for the loss of what might be. As Thornton said I was I love with what she could be not what she is. Not a single one of the people I tell my story to side with her. And I leave my faults in too. It helps but I still miss her. I still love her. And I know I should not but when I love a person I really do. And I shouldn’t be ashamed of that. My mom got me some pots and pans. My friends want to help. You guys are here. So many have my back. I know I’m a good man. Sure I made mistakes with NGS and so on but it’s not something I can’t fix. I’ll read 3% Man until I memorize it, I’ll read the rational male over and over too. I’ll get better. But it will take time. I really loved this woman deeply. My biggest regret is not showing it. She did need that and I admit I let her down. But I’m not a bad man, her choices are on her and at the end of the day, I’m glad I am not her. I would feel like such a POS to do what she is doing. I could never do it. And that’s why I am different than her. I will let her go, slowly, quietly and with a lot of pain. But I will let her go. It’s what you do when you love someone, you let them be free. That is uncontainable love. And I do love her that way. It hurts me to see her make these mistakes but I know she needs it. And I will be ok. Thank you all for following me. One more day of radio silence and I’m doing better than yesterday.