Steve_'s LRT phase 2

[sandi2]

Okay, let's put our heads together and come up with a plan for you to use the next time she pushes your button in a text message. B/c it will happen again! She's like a cat playing with a mouse. She will try many things to get a reaction from you. Even a negative reaction from you is better than ignoring her........in her opinion.

So, the past 24 hrs have been emotionally difficult for you. I would guess you were saving up emotional spit and all she had to do was press enter, and you exploded words everywhere.

Where were you, or what were you doing when you read her message?

How quickly did you text her back?

As I said, you can expect texting from her. She is going to contact you! Just b/c you've told her you won't respond unless it's regarding the kids, doesn't mean she intends to cooperate. No, she is going to push every button possible.

First, you need to do something to calm down when you see her text. Set your timer for how ever long it usually takes for you to get control over those urges to tell to reply.

If possible, start doing some physical exercises, at that moment. Really pour your frustration and resentment into those body exercises. Go for a run, or whatever requires a lot of energy. (Of course, if you are in a vehicle, you can't do push-ups very well.)

Have a pretend conversation where you tell her off. If need be, go to the bathroom or bedroom mirror, and talk to your own reflection. This may sound crazy, but it helps in relieving that powerful rush of emotional energy, urging you to reply to her. It helps to talk you off the ledge, so to speak.

Concentrate on your breathing. Take long, deep & slow breaths.

Come to the board and talk to us about it. Pour it all out here. If you've bookmarked certain posts with advice, read back over it.

I understand the temptation to have your say, but there are no words as powerful and no words at all. See, whether you realize it not, you appear as if you think you can teach her by explaining that all of this is the result of her waywardness. You want her to see how things won't be like they once were. You want her to realize what she's done. It doesn't work, Steve. You can't rationalize with looney-tunes. You can't teach her through words. If you'll read the initial threads of all the LBH's on the board, you'll see they tried holding class for their WW's, too, and it had no effect.

Oh, and she's playing you big time when she utters, "I am not sure anymore". Your mind goes into over-drive, b/c you desperately want her back, and you cling to every little things she says. You set yourself up for more disappointment and pain. Remember what I'm about to tell you. Everything from your WW at this point, is either to temperature check to see how much you are still attached, and/or she's intentionally pushing your buttons to get a reaction/response. You cannot take stock in these games of hers. Stop telling her you aren't going to talk to her unless it's about the kids. Just enforce it.

You need sources that feed you mentally/emotionally/spiritually in a positive way. I'm not saying everything you read/hear has to leave you feeling as if you've had laughing gas, but it gives you what you need to grow and develop new relationship skills......and life skills. It takes strength to change your old patterns and develop new & better ones. I really believe you are going to make it, Steve. You'll have slip-ups sometimes, but you have to get back on that saddle and ride again (as cowboys say). Don't let this slip-up keep you down. (BTW, I'm glad you shared it with us.) Just learn from it, and have a plan to for the next time. A lot of self discipline is needed when you decide to stop pursuing a WW.