I'll be honest, I have a hard time assessing how much of this is my ADHD and how much of this is a need for him and his family to feel and act superior. I don't doubt that I struggle with ADHD a bit, but it has not proven to be a problem with employers etc. I don't doubt that it is frustrating at times, but there is simply no excuse for a relationship in which I am constantly criticized whilst I work harder and harder to please him and/or his parents.
This is the source to your marital troubles. You are very sensitive about their criticism, and maybe for good reason. But what are you going to do to do about it? How will you change your life for the better? Will it take elimination of certain people in your life? Will it require an organization program? You won't change your in-laws and I doubt you'll change your H, so what's the plan? So far, you have been rather wishy-washy regarding your MR. You leave him, then start missing him, and take him food, etc. Then you get around your group of female friends and start talking about what you deserve and pointing out his faults. I was just as sensitive to criticism as you are. But guess what I would do? I was just as critical about my in-laws and H's faults. So, it wasn't saying much about me as a person. All my complaining and criticizing got me nowhere! Know what you can control, and what you can't. You can't control other people, but you can control yourself.
Take it from an old former people-pleaser, you set yourself free the minute you stop trying to please everyone else in the room. Everyone will not accept you for who you really are. Everyone will not like you, no matter how great a gal you are. That's the harsh facts of life. Some people don't need a reason to not like you. It doesn't mean there is something wrong with you. It's just them! So, who are you going to listen to? What is going to make you happy? Focusing on a new career is great, if that's what YOU really want. If it's your idea and your desire, then go for it. If you can't be happy with your H, and his family, then you may have to stay away from them for more than just a few days/weeks.
Surround yourself with positive people, as much as possible, and stay away from those who focus on the negative side of relationships, politics, the workforce, parenting, and life in general. If possible, give yourself a break from so much negative stuff you're exposed to every day. What do you do, or where do you go to lift your spirits?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
