She lost sexual attraction...

[Benji]

Not sure if you've gotten to this part in the book yet, but he goes over how you need to focus on making deposits in her account and not worry about getting yours filled for now. Marriages get in trouble when both parties feel they have empty accounts and they're both sitting back waiting for the other to come fill their account. This is really the thrust of DBing as well- YOU need to do the work, not wait for her to. "It Takes One to Tango" as Michele says. And you are doing the work so that's great. Keep it up. Just don't have any expectations that she will come around immediately, it takes time. 5LL also makes the point that if you start making deposits in her emotional account then at some point she'll WANT to make deposits in yours. Not because she feels like she has to, but because she actually wants to. And that's when things will turn around for real.

I haven't gotten to that part yet, but it definitely makes sense, thanks for pointing it out. I definitely plan to take the lead on this and do all the work needed - hopefully it will motivate her to partake at some point as you suggested, but when she really wants to. At the moment her behavior towards me is pretty variable... Sometimes she behaves "normally" - making jokes, talking with me etc. Sometimes she seems to be avoiding me. Overall, I can feel that she is a bit distant. Which is normal at this point I guess...

I would not share it with her. If you do, and then if you try and implement some of the things you read, she might see it as you trying to use "tricks" to get her back. Just keep it to yourself, at least for a while.

Keep all your personal growth sources confidential for now. This is about your growth. Change you.

Roger that! Makes perfect sense, I appreciate your guidance here.

OK well first of all it sounds like you kept the date light and problem-free which is perfect. But don't forget to listen and validate! When you say "I agree, these are tough times.... etc." it sounds kind of like you're trying to put your own spin on what she said, right? Instead, try asking her how it makes her feel. Sad? Anxious? Worried? Whatever she says she feels, listen intently, and make validating statements about her feelings. THIS is what will make her feel like you're really listening to her and trying to understand where she is coming from.

You are right... I guess it will take me some time to master the validation skill. But I do get the point, just need to practice.

Let her worry about that. If she initiates then she either wants to have sex, or she wants to fill your needs, or both. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with either. Don't surround it with unneeded drama! Just partake and enjoy it!

You are absolutely right. She is a grown up, mature person as well - and if she decides to do that, she has some reason for it. So I won't be backing up. I won't be initiating anything though.

Enjoy it. I would start doing some research now in this area as well. After the encounter, you want her to be pleasantly surprised by your new improved behavior. Personally I have more fun getting my lady "in the mode" than reaching the "finish line".

That sounds great. Do you have any literature or material you could recommend for me to research? Something that helped you most? Thanks!