Financial settlement has been ratified by the court. Alimony claim (it’s called spousal maintenance in Australia) was thrown out. Custody - report from the court found I’m a great Dad, gave me more custody in the interim, and return to court mid next year so I can apply for even more.
Kids are doing great. I’ve never seen them happier. I always praise their Mum despite her treating me worse than ever, but simultaneously they seem to be joining the dots and working things out for themselves. The youngest constantly asks for hugs and gives me shoulder massages (he’s physical touch). The elder one looks at me with quiet respect and knows how hard I’ve been fighting. He’s going to be academic like I was when I was young.
House sells shortly, and that will be another great leap forward.
She came to collect some things last week. Let’s just say I was so incredibly proud of the way I handled it. She completely embarrassed herself and appears to have lost all control of her mental health. I was calm, stable, kind and empathetic. I couldn’t have done that 12 months ago. I think as we move close to being completely disconnected she is struggling with the loss of control over me.
But I’ve realised that I can be simultaneously sad and embarrassed for her, and yet also know it’s not my problem to fix and walk in the complete opposite direction. It’s hard watching someone you used to love tearing their life apart in a maelstrom of self destructive behaviour. I hope she gets some help and finds her happiness - that would make me happy too.
I think she’s got a boyfriend, but don’t really give a s***. I hope he’s got his money locked away Maybe if that works out she will finally put down her sword and we can all get on with our lives amicably.
I’m getting fit. Have put on 10kg (22lbs) muscle at the gym since she left. Have rekindled my passion for downhill MTB with some mates from work. Renovated the entire inside of the house over the last six months and increased the value about $100k. She’ll see most of that advantage due to the financial split (and I paid for all the materials myself)... but I don’t really give a s***. It gave me a goal and structure while unemployed due COVID - and if that money ends up giving my kids a better quality of life when they live with her, that’s a good outcome in my mind.
Have been chatting with a few lady friends, but no dates. One is incredibly beautiful, smart, talented, funny and grounded - but we are in completely different phases of our life so I’ll just cultivate it as a friendship only for now. If the right person comes along, I think perhaps in another 6 months or so I might try a date or two and see what happens.
Have strengthened relationships with all of all my family, especially my brother. I feel more self aware, more cognisant of my own worth, less like I have to carry the world on my shoulders... almost like I’m just a passenger on this wild ride around the sun. You never know how many more laps you’re going to get, so make the most of every one!
I also don’t harbour regret despite all her heinous behaviour. I met an incredibly kind, honest, wonderful person and we had the most amazing relationship and made two incredible little boys I’m growing into men. I made the best decision I could at the time and I wouldn’t change it for the world. But I’m also acutely aware that person doesn’t exist any more and my ultimate future is without her in my life (beyond co-parenting). Perhaps in a few more years I’ll realise this was a blessing. Despite her leaving me, I’m getting her served in two weeks time. I imagine that will be hard for her as she loses one of the few things she has left to control me. I feel sorry that it will probably hit her like a ton a bricks.
If you’re new here... it gets better. Not quickly. Not without setbacks. Not without hard work. But it does get better. It’s like climbing an icy mountain. Sometimes you have crap days. Sometimes you lose your footing and slide backwards. But when those days happen, you just have to zoom out and look a the big picture. Three steps forward followed by 2 steps back - and eventually you’ll still reach the summit.
A few veterans on DB told me the 12 month mark was a real turning point for them, and have to agree with their experience.
Maybe if that works out she will finally put down her sword and we can all get on with our lives amicably.
