Update: DH has reached out occasionally, but it's few and far between. I forgot a couple important things yesterday and he seemed miffed with me. So, I continue to be scattered, which has been a problem in our marriage. However, he double booked things with the kids this morning and did not seem apologetic or able to acknowledge his mistake. It appears that the dynamic remains in place where he is quick to criticize and act exasperated by my mistakes, but unable to acknowledge when he messes up. Nonetheless, I am continuing with the ADHD counseling and focusing on improving myself.
I continue to be outwardly calm and cordial towards him. But inwardly, I am seriously questioning if this marriage is worth salvaging. Yes, I messed up, I shouldn't have left, but I've apologized and, honestly, I think most worthwhile men would have patched it up with their wife at this point.
Not to come across as arrogant, but I'm a very attractive, kind, loving woman, with an amazing education. I've been an amazing mother and have supported him and his career. I have started to think how easy it would be for me to find a decent man who would value me.
Based on his tone, it appears that every time I make even the smallest slip up, DH views me as inferior, like I'm damaged goods unworthy of him.
I know he has hinted that he wants to see me back in the work force. And I was prior to covid. But he is quick to drop the kids off during his custody time when schools are closed. And it appears schools will close again soon. He seems to want things both ways.
Does anyone else feel this way? Does anyone else feel like they deserve so, so, so much better than this? I'm not sure what the point of this post is. I recognize that I am all over the map, but maybe I deserve a much better man. It's just a shame that that man does not appear to be the man who is the father of my children.
