May, none of this is easy....you have been doing so much work for yourself and for both of you. with covid, I can see how it is really hard for a broken M to heal when both people can't GAL and at least have some physical distance. I think what Alison said was interesting. What if there is always going to be this disconnect between you and H's realities? He knows he hurt you, but he will probably never understand the hurt the way you do.
I have to say though, when I read the part were your H said "If you don't trust me, then ask me to leave" and "I'm not actively in love with her anymore".....I really just want to punch him in the face. what kinds of sh*t is that??
