WAW w/Exit Affair or WW? - Don't Want Divorce (2)

[BL42]

The living room makeover (rug, ottoman, fireplace) was a bit of a 180 for me, as usually I'd just be complacent with things as-is, but I'm really the look and straightened up adult looks, and the kids like it too. S5 has been asking to turn the fireplace on in the mornings/nights. On Sunday evening when W dropped the kids back off she noticed it and said "Wow, that looks great". It caught me off-guard a bit so I just smiled and said "thanks" and welcomed the kids home. I'm not sure she realized she was complimenting me until after it already came out of her mouth.

My mom watched the kids today while I worked and they had a great time doing art projects, playing games, and making snow cones. She had promised S5 a new snow coat/pants/boots for Winter and snow cones when they arrived, so he was excited. However, she told me tonight S5 asked her when he'd see mommy again and when she said Sunday he replied: "That's too long. I miss mommy when I'm with daddy and I miss daddy when I'm with mommy. I'm just sad and missing people all the time." Again, he's opening up with my mom as opposed to me (and I'm assuming my W and others). My mom is his safe person. I suppose that's good he has someone to express his feelings to, and it's good she told me about it because I need to know, but boy does it break my heart to hear it - I hate that he's sad and missing our former family. A 5yo shouldn't have to deal with that. We're just going to keep doing everything we can to be there for S5 and D2 and make them feel loved.

A mutual friend of me and my W asked this weekend if I was interested to go out on a date with someone he and his wife know, but I told him I really just need to focus on the kids right now. Considering W is dating someone already while married and very shortly after moving out, having him around...etc. the last thing they need right now is daddy to add instability to their lives and not have their undivided attention. I am sad and lonely sometimes in the evenings after the kids go to bed, but I'm trying to make sure they're my #1 priority as well as trying to follow the advice of the board members to work on myself first and avoid a "broken attracts broken" situation.