IMHO, she needs to feel relaxed when she's with you. If the focus is on always on sex, she's going to probably feel pressured. Some W's begin to pull away from any type of touch (even nonsexual) b/c they don't want their H to take it as a signal she wants to have sex.
Life can become routing and boring, which spills over into the MR. We have to purposely add spice. Make the time we have with other fun. Surprise once in a while with a little inexpensive gift, and tell her it made you think of her when you saw it. You can google lists of ideas how a H can romance his W. The tip, however, is that it needs to be on-going. I'm not saying you have to buy flowers every day, or take her out eat every weekend. Romance begins with your attitude. It's how you interact with her that makes her feel feminine and special. Flirting with her is very important, but do it during the day without any pressure. Keep things light and fun during the day/evening, and stay away from serious talks right before bedtime.
If things seem a little tense when it's just the two of you, then plan some activities that include friends. If she appears stiff when you take her to a candle lit dinner, then take her to some other type of environment to eat. Of course, being under lockdown, it's a bit challenging, but do the best you can. What does she enjoy doing for fun with a group or a partner? For instance, does she like board games? What did the two of you do together when you first dated her? Having fun with you, goes a long way in helping her feelings. She has to see that you aren't showing her a good time just to set her mood for sex. If that's the only time she sees your fun loving, charming self surface.......it's likely to bomb.
Living in a SSM is serious, but if there is a heavy atmosphere while around each other........I think things can get worse pretty quickly. Work on the relationship, first. Think of it as making love to your W, without the act of sex.
I am hesitant to encourage you to share with her some of things you'll read. Call me crazy, but I tend to feel it kind of takes away some of the affect. Make sense? It's like when a LBH eagerly tells his WW/WAW that he is working on himself. It's not necessary to announce what he's doing. Just do it, and she'll see the results.
Quote
I hear what you mean when you say what the biggest concern is now her not getting her emotional needs met. I really want to do something about it, but I also don’t want her to feel pressured now by me being too pushy with touches, kisses etc. I don’t want her to feel that I’m pressuring her to have sex every day now. But I do feel the urge to try and get close to her emotionally and physically, so she doesn’t have the need to look for it somewhere else.
The book on the five love languages should help you. I think most men's primary LL is physical touch, b/c that's how they are wired. However, if physical touch is not your W's primary LL, don't expect her to have the same needs as you have. Go slowly with the touches, especially if there hasn't been much touching lately. Those touches should be nonsexual. In other words, the kind of touch you would give a female relative. If you sense her immediate stiffness from a nonsexual touch........it's going to be a very slow process. If you kiss her in the morning or bedtime, then just keep it light. No pressure! Don't start tongue kissing her tonsils right before leaving for work. Hopefully, that will come later down the road. But for now, keep it sweet, and no pressure.
Quote
She admitted that sex with is not that bad in general, and that often times she really enjoys it. But even though that is the case, she lacks the desire to start it and have it, because everything surrounding that “event” is most of the time repulsive.
She may have a hang-up with intimacy (since she doesn't want much foreplay and to get it over quickly). She may need individual therapy. She may need to see a hormone balancing specialist. It could be a combination of things that is affecting her. It's a delicate subject for the H to approach, b/c a lot of W's feel the H just wants her fixed for selfish reasons. I think some women don't know why they feel like they do.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I think some women don't know why they feel like they do.