Concentrating on the Positive

[may22]

I know even a few months ago I'd feel very anxious and distressed right now, or very angry and contemptuous about his behaviour, but now all I feel is 'ah, he's upset and wants to be on his own and is being crabby for no reason again,' and am getting on with the evening. It's progress.

this is real progress, Alison. Congratulations. I so know that feeling of steaming or anxiety stemming from something my H did, when in reality it has zero to do with you and all to do with him. Not only is this great for your own mental health, it probably also really helps him by taking away his favorite scapegoat in these situations. He can no longer take his bad mood and place the responsibility for it squarely on you, and spend the next hour or whatever stewing about how you are controlling or whatever he decides is the problem. Instead, he has the space to figure out what is going on inside him. Hopefully he can.

I love that you're seeing his fun side and he's been better and better and pulling himself out of these bad moods. And the fact that you're navigating as giant a project as selling your home in the midst of COVID together and it seems like it is bringing you together rather than pulling you apart-- that is a really positive thing too, in my book. I have been reading lately about all the couples that are splitting because of COVID. Months ago, our MC told my H that he's completely booked with all his new clients having severe issues with lockdown, and my IC has said the same thing. There have been a few articles in US papers about this phenomenon too, all the COVID divorces.

When we get through on the other side of this... assuming we all make it... imagine how freeing it will be to have options to get out of the house, see a friend, go to a movie, go to the gym. It feels like you'll both have so many more outlets to deal with issues as they come up and if you can make it through this without any of those options available to you, it will be a breeze in the future. It is great that you're pulling together as a team and he's being so supportive about the stress and the work you're taking on with the house sale. I know there are still lots of tough things but it seems like to me you have just made so much progress.