In the spirit of updating on the positive I had a difficult interaction with H that I think I handled well.
He was very sad this evening. One of his colleagues is sick. I could tell he was sad, but when I asked him if he was okay, he got a bit defensive. So I backed off, took the dog out for a walk, then did a couple of hours work in another room. As I was getting ready for bed, I went to look in on him. He talked about the situation for a while and I listened, validating, then asked him if there was anything I could do to comfort him. He said he wanted to stay up late. He'd already been drinking a bit and I could see he was settling in for the night. I said something like, don't stay up too late because it will make you feel even more blue tomorrow if you're tired or hungover' and he said, in a horrible tone, 'right, I'll come to bed then, so you won't be angry with me.' It's his usual thing - he has a bad feeling, I try to get close, he reacts with a bit of venom to get me to go away - extra points for telling me what I feel or am about to feel, then punishing me for it. None of that requires my presence, so I just wished him goodnight in a nice tone and backed away. I wish he knew a better way to deal with his feelings, but there he is, and I don't care to be an audience to it so I've given him his space. I know even a few months ago I'd feel very anxious and distressed right now, or very angry and contemptuous about his behaviour, but now all I feel is 'ah, he's upset and wants to be on his own and is being crabby for no reason again,' and am getting on with the evening. It's progress.
