It has taken me so long to reply to your post... but my first thoughts when I read it were what an impressive human you are and thank you for sharing so much of your story. I am just wowed.
I am in awe of your strength and fortitude, your ability to keep a good attitude and you eclipsing your own FOO trauma to give your children a different parenting approach. You don't have a victim's mentality when one easily could in your situation. You have grace and strength in spades. I am sorry you have had such a struggle with H and your origin story and I know that the next chapter of Gerda's story is going to be the best one yet.
