Thank you so much everyone for your support and understanding. I should have known that I didn’t have to feel ashamed to post my mistakes.
LH19 - thank you so very much. That was what I needed to hear. Get up, dust off, keep going.
I’m trying not to spiral. The things which are helping keep me afloat are this:
* she is on her own journey * it often gets worse before it gets better * there really is nothing for me to do, decide, or take action on right now. Just be with my small boys and love them and breathe the air.
I still go back and forth on the question of if I’m a fool or not, if she’s actually asexual or is just so traumatized that she would actually hold to being closed off forever. Maybe I always will wonder that. But as I process this terrifying uncertainty, I can only make my decisions based on my values:
I won’t hate. I will believe in the good of people and the ability to change. I will do everything in my power to build a happy, and intact, home for my young boys. Given those, the only path in front of me is to stay the course, DB, and hope.
I think the stories I need to find right now are the ones about having hope in the darkness, in the face of certain failure, and about how it worked out. Anyone have any of those?
