Confused but committed, Part 2

[SteveLW]

First, you never love unconditionally. That isn't even logical. Loving unconditionally literally means "no matter WHAT she does". I am sure there are things she could do to make you not love her. Love her, but admit that there are conditions to that love. Unconditional love is an extremely rare thing, and should never be, in my humble opinion, how we categorize the love we have for another human-being with the exception of our children.

Second, one of the things that really started to sober my W up to the reality of where things were and where they were going was when she found out I was consulting an attorney. She was in a fantasy fog of a painless D, and that fact shattered that reality.

Third, your right. She is angry at you. This is why you back off and avoid ALL pressure and pursuit. She is like a cat...she has to come to you on her terms. The minute you reach out for her she will run the other direction.

Finally, how long can you realistically live like this? If it takes her 5 years to snap out of this, will you wait for 5 years? 10? Have an end goal in mind. Work towards it. "I will give her until June 15th, 2021, and if she is committed back to the marriage by then, I will go file for D."

You'd be shocked at how freeing having a deadline is. But commit to it. Do not get to June 15th and make excuses.