You are spot on about H. Yes, he behaves like a different person. It takes time for our emotions to sort that out. I have my feelings, thoughts, and beliefs about W and our M. And I have ones about XW - her current self.
I find most of the LBS’ confusion comes from trying (notice trying not doing, so it doesn’t work out well) to recognize these weird new behaviours from the spouse and reconcile those into our existing idea/definition of them. Instead, realize the new person before you and their behaviours.
Your past remains intact. Your emotions, and memories, of your H and M remain intact and valid and real - for they are.
The new and present situation is accepted for what it is. This take time and is a bit difficult to get here.
And yes, at first it is strange to hold two different views and beliefs about the same “person”, the same body. It’s within that has changed for our MLCers, they still look the same and even mostly sound the same.
You are right MLC-H is the opposite. You used to trust H. Now you cannot trust MLC-H. That is so confusing emotionally and intellectually until you see, and believe in, the different personalities.
Do not fall prey to his rewriting of his history. He’s finding new aspects and blames, the further he continues his path. Him saying the last seventeen years weren’t real, doesn’t make it so! You were there. You know better!
Deal with MLC-H in a business-like manner. Focus on you and your security, protection, and future.
And it’s ok to hope that H is somewhere inside and maybe will emerge again.
It’s a strange path to walk. Two different approaches, two different views, and yet one path, and one person - you.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
