Hopefully Drifting Ashore (Riding the Wave 4)

[may22]

Hi WF,

you seem like you're really handling this all so well. a few thoughts came up for me as I was reading your post:

There's more here than he doesn't want to hurt me, but as I write this I think I might know what it is. Far less toxic than not wanting to be wrong but still a little sad, I think he doesn't want to dig into that because it makes him look stupid. Because I've given him the space to not have to be 100% remorseful I think he's ok with being wrong, but he's still not ok with being the one who really was the fool here. I'll have to chew on that a bit and figure out how we can get past that to get to the last why I'm holding out for.

This is all so interesting. He's really done a lot of work around what was going on between the two of you and his own failings there-- I was really impressed to hear him owning up to so much. I am chewing on the space to not be 100% remorseful and trying that on for size right now. I read your post on my thread and it is making me think quite a bit right now, and joejoe posted something on curtis's thread about giving your WS the space to make their own choices on their own timeline, and I see where I'm failing here in my insistence on this 110% remorseful tomorrow thing.

In your sitch, though, I am wondering-- what more information you need about what was going on in his mind? is it specifically around the cascade of choices he made to cheat? Lost and foolish and probably some MLC stuff mixed in there, seems to me-- girls getting ready to be out of the house, you're talking about a baby, his old chair, and wasn't she like a childhood family friend? Feels like he was just regressing, looking backwards, scared of growing old and wanted to rewind to when he was 20. That's just my armchair read on it, though. Does it bother you because you're worried it might happen again?

My god, the man had to get pills because his junk wouldn't work with her.

bahahahahahahahahaha thank you for sharing that.

All of this stuff has really pushed me forward in examining all aspects of my life. Now I just need to start making decisions.

hey, all good, good stuff. you are taking this situation that you were dropped in and turning it into an opportunity to grow in all areas. I'm so proud of you and happy for you. You're the DB champion, in my mind, in all aspects. And... no need to rush any of these decisions, either. It's OK to take it slow once in awhile. It also seems like you've gained a lot of perspective through all of this and ability to listen to yourself-- I'd say put those good skills to use as you test out different potential wayfarer futures.

xoxo M