Persistent Endurance (Part 8)

[curtis7]

You are living in limbo but dont have the **&* to do anything about it.

You’re right. I came here to save my MR as did most of us. You chose a different path and perhaps I would be happy if I was D too. Sure, at times I feel like I’ve wasted 2 years of my life. I also take pride that I stood for my MR and honored my commitment even through the worst of times. I believe in forgiveness and that the most important person in your life deserves a second chance. I’ve needed a few myself.

So two years later you really only have 2 choices. Divorce and move on or come to an agreement where you are together for the kids so there are no expectations continue in separate rooms.

I’m an optimist and see a third option where she gets over the past, forgives herself, and chooses to try again.

There are many LBS here that are divorced and seem jaded against cheaters and for good reason considering the pain they inflict. I do have a question for former WWs and LBS that have R after EAs/PAs. How long did it take between the WW/WAS initiating NC and moving through A withdrawal until a firm commitment was made to R?

Your getting positive signs but your messing them up by being so available having R talks, going down cheeseless tunnels. If you don’t value yourself, respect yourself and stop trying to make her love you this won’t ever change man.

I disagree, my sitch has changed. I shared with my W almost 2 years ago that my 3 biggest fears in our MR were:
1. Not loving me - check
2. Moving out - check
3. Having an affair - check, check, check
All of those fears were realized. The past 2 years have royally sucked. Now, she has moved home and ended the affairs. That’s progress in my view. So, that leaves regaining respect so that she might love me again. No small feat.

curtis, not going to 2x4 you. You went your own way, which is fine, it is your sitch! A lot of 2x4s are because folks come here wanting to DB, wanting advice, then completely ignore the advice and do not DB. It frustrates those that are providing guidance. You not posting on the forum for so long to me said your decision was to try to save your marriage in your own manner rather than DBing. As I said above, that is your right.

Steve, I appreciate your take on my sitch. I certainly have chosen my own path. My W telling me that she has been unhappy for 4 years lends me to believe she’s been in MLC for quite some time. When I joined the forum I was told she was WW and not in MLC, but that’s besides the point. I don’t care what you call it.

W had multiple PAs and neglected our kids. She regularly tells me how she sees herself aging and has invested a lot of time and effort into keeping a younger look. She validated that all kinds of men are attracted to her especially those that didn’t care she was married. She’ll be 40 soon and I see her coming to grips with that fact. She is back to prioritizing our children and to me seems to be slowly exiting the fog.

I’m not happy living this way indefinitely and don’t know what will be the ultimate catalyst for the next shoe to drop from one of us.