I do think most spouses do experience jealousy over their LBS; especially when they do not know what you are doing or where you are going. Their warped little minds spin and drag them off to thoughts of what you might be doing. Most times they expect their LBS to remain sitting in a shelf pining for them. Nope, not happening with Sage.
I love reading your realizations about detachment. You are so correct. Detachment starts as deflection, then we build walls, and then realize that detachment actually doesn’t have walls. Your post - very well done, and very well said!
Indifference is that numb feeling during our healing process. Quite different than detachment. I think you got a good handle on those walls as well.
Of course, it takes time. It’s funny when looking back, as you also stated, how quickly it all happened. And then realize the months and months to get here. It so obvious from this side, isn’t it? Yet, one cannot just get to this place without walking their path. It’s not obvious until it is.
Originally Posted by Sage4
I think right now I feel compassion and empathy for the broken human in front of me and at the same time I do not condone or forgive his behavior (yet? Will I ever? Do I need to? Hmmm....).
If you would like some advice from a friend.
Compassion, understanding, empathy - excellent.
Do I need to forgive? Short answer - Yes.
Forgiveness is for you.
Separate the sinner from the sin. The person from the behaviour. You forgive the person. That is quite freeing. And the concern over the behaviour more or less melts away. This all takes time.
This doesn’t mean we sweep the horrors and wrong doings under the rug. When, or if, a times comes we can deal with the behaviours and atonement then. And that is more them demonstrating they’ve healed and are working towards earning our trust again.
Forgiveness is us not holding a grudge, nor waiting or demanding restitution.
The idea of forgiveness seems astonishingly thin and weak when held next to the powerful feelings of vengeance and non-forgiveness. However, that thin cloak of light and grace is incredibly powerful. Forgiveness touch’s the divine.
Forgive those who trespass against me.
It’s not obvious until it is. Take it on faith for now. And realize you are worth forgiving H.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
