Me: Well you raised him for 10yr and he voted X... clearly had more influence than I did with him. Maybe you should check in with him sometime.
First, very glad you didn't send this. Second, I'm curious if you think this is a positive comment? Or do you see it for the passive/aggressive comment it really is? I suspect you don't see it, so I'll break it down.
"he voted X... clearly had more influence than I did with him"
Implication is that you do not approve of S's voting choice, and you blame H for it.
"Maybe you should check in with him sometime."
Implication is that he has abandoned S and should feel guilty for it.
What makes it passive/aggressive is you don't overtly say these things, you bury them as implications in a way that you can take the "plausible deniability" path if he says something. For example, if he responds "are you trying to imply I don't contact S enough?" Then you can say "oh no that's not what I meant at all, he just misses you." It's a very shady statement and 100% not the sort of thing you want to be sending to a WAS (or anyone else for that matter).
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S19 has had a lot of food issues/sensory issues his whole life... H got him to try some pretty radical stuff and as S19 was in his first few weeks of living away at school he is telling me what he tries to eat every day which is HUGE for this kid... AND, again I want to text and thank my H for this...
Now that would be more of a positive statement. I wouldn't text it, but put it in your pocket and maybe mention it to H sometime if/when you see him. "Oh, just wanted to say that S has been telling me about the food options he's exploring as a result of his conversations with you and that I'm glad you helped him with that." Just positive reinforcement and that's it. No "he sure does miss you" or "I wish you would talk to him more" or anything like that.
