KC, I get the sense that you, like me, like to be in control. And you get supremely frustrated when you are not, and that frustration sometimes turns into panic. I can relate, but one of the first things I worked on in my own sitch was dropping control. Understanding I had no control over her or her decisions not only was freeing (I have become less of a control freak in the 3 years since my sitch!), but it helped me really let go and DB well (notice, not perfectly, but well).
At this point you should be full blown LRT. It is tailor fit for situations like yours.
Yes - my H felt very controlled especially in the later years. I do have a strong personality - sort of divide and conquer to get things done. I've spent the last several months not wanting him to feel so controlled. I've dug deep to see the root of my control issues so I can address that. And, I really have. I've truly made progress.
I completely understand that I can only control myself. I cannot control my H but I would be dishonest if I said I hadn't been more hopeful that with time and space he could have started to really see ME again. I worked on doing lots of exercises to rewire my brain because I don't want to be that control freak --- I want to let him lead. I want to make sure he feels heard.
Regardless, again yesterday TONS of compliments on my physical appearance and who I am these day. It feels good to I suppose to be validated for the work I've been doing but it would be a complete and utter lie if I said it didn't bother me that H never notices because it does.
He has this narrative in his head that he "sold" me a version of himself to get me but that its not who he really is... but here is the kicker... I knew him... I truly knew him... avid hunter, fisher, harley rider, living off the grid... and I still loved him and wanted him to have those things. He felt conflicted living in a high end home with an HOA... I was slow to change (its in my Meyers Briggs) but change I was doing but slowly. I just needed a lot of hand holding and support but he took that to mean that I wasn't really interested in... would I have bought myself a fancy Harley Helmet for $250 if I wasn't interested??? UGH.
I hate that this is all "too little too late".
I'm digressing again. Yes, I'm letting loose on my control.
Sorry KC, but you are putting a bandaid (exerises rewire your brain) on a gaping wound (being a control freak). There was only way I was able to break that cycle: IC
I cannot believe you are admitting (hoping time and space would make him see you again, and wanting him to notice you) all of that in light of us knowing that you are dating. THAT IS WHY YOU WERE NOT READY TO DATE.
Anyway, I am back to being a broken record with you. Sorry. At this point I think you know what you should do. I just don't think you want to do it.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
