I'm having an absolute horrid night. I feel so devastated... completely gutted.
I know I'm not supposed to be spinning... but the whole sentiment about how he learned something else about himself - that he likes playing AND how LH pointed out he was really saying he likes "playing" with OW... and how he went on to say "But, you couldn't play"... It's like a 1000 daggers.
KC, let me give you a scenario. Car A is driving down the road behind car B. The light turns yellow and they both speed up to run it. Then car B chickens out and slams on their brakes. Car A sees it too late and hits car B. B blames A for trying to run the light, driving too close and going too fast. A blames B for speeding up and then slamming on their brakes, and for stopping when it looked like they were committed to go. Who's fault is it? It is really easy for anyone not directly invested in that situation to clearly see both people were at fault. They both did things wrong and that resulted in an outcome that neither of them wanted. Either one of them could have done something differently that would have yielded a different outcome, but they didn't.
You're one driver, your H the other. Your M is the accident. Was it your fault? Was it his? It was BOTH of you. Could you have done something to change the outcome? Could he? Yes you BOTH could have. But neither of you did, the accident happened, and now you deal with the aftermath rather than going back and reliving the accident over and over again to dissect why it happened, who's fault it was and whether you should have done something differently.
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He doesn't remember having those great times with me...
Does this surprise you? You do remember all our talk about "rewriting of history"? I can't remember if I've told you this but imagine all the good things that happened in the M are written in blue on a sheet of paper and all the bad things in red (this is like that "magic trick" we all played as kids with the filtered glasses). For about a year or two after BD you have red glasses on that block out all the red writing, you can only see the blue things. He has blue glasses on and only sees the red things. THIS IS HOW IT IS. And this is how it will be for quite some time. Eventually you'll BOTH lose the glasses and have a more realistic view of the M.
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He texts that he was so angry all the time and lashed out at everyone including his own kids... THAT CAN'T BE ALL ON ME... has he forgotten that his XW with held his kids not once but twice for MONTHS at a time. I always had his back. Endless atty appts, court dates, CPS calling. OMG I had to live that nightmare too you know. It killed him and I had to pick up the pieces.
So why would you want someone back that has zero appreciation for all that you did in the M? ^^^All of that^^^ has a lot more to do with him than you, don't you think?
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But, living here with me??? That was the cause of all the misery??? When will he wake up?
Years from now. IF HE EVER DOES. He may very well NEVER wake up. 25 doesn't post here anymore, but have you read her sitch? Sounds a lot like yours. She DB'd like crazy and actually did recon with her H. He continued to be the same horrible husband and father and person he was before, during and after BD and she eventually left him. In his case he never did "wake up" to his personal faults. She changed, but he never did.
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I get it... up until this last text slew it was 100% I neglected him... I rejected him as the cause of our problems, BUT now he actually typed it wasn't all my fault.
That means some real truth is starting to sink in???
I think you're misunderstanding him, he's not accepting blame. He still thinks it's all your fault. Anything he did wrong he hangs on you as the reason for it.
