I just wanted to reinforce with you that you're a truly incredible father. Your children are very, very lucky to have you. They know it in their bones. They may test it; they may feel conflicted given the D and your wife's behavior... but they know it as deeply as they know anything.
Hugs for having to miss Halloween. OF course you are not being replaced by OM. You're their dad whether you are allowed to trick or treat with them or not. And next year will be waaaaay better than thiis year!! However, I can imagine how it must feel, and just wanted to send you some empathy vibes on that one.
On the villian/victim/hero triangle-- I've spent some decent time applying this in a work perspective, and it has always made sense to me (step outside the triangle! Be the coach, not the hero!). But my IC asked me a couple of weeks ago if if I saw this dynamic in my R with my H (and AP)... gosh, it was so much harder to apply it in a personal situation. I definitely saw how my H and I were struggling with the villian- victim narrative, but it felt so much more difficult to assign the hero role, and figure out how AP fit into the whole picture. Anyway, just a note that this resonates with me, and wondering if your wife has the hero figure in her narrative, somehow.
Sending good vibes to you, U.
Me (46) H (42) M:14 T:18, D9 & D11 4/19 - 12/19: series of escalating BDs 9/20 - present: R and piecing
