New here-heartbroken and confused

[may22]

That all sounds great, Rusty. My only other suggestion for you would be to come up with some strategies to deal with the anxiety when it does come up. Reminding yourself that what you've been doing works can help. Having self-care strategies at hand has helped me a lot too-- when I would really really want to start an R talk, for instance, or text him, I would have an alternative activity ready to go. (This is something I still am working on but it does work!!) And generally, focusing on yourself and GALing-- the more energy you can put into that, the less you'll have available for worrying about what is going on in his mind.

You might read AlisonUK's early threads. She was the one to ask her H to leave and so had some of the same struggles around whether she was the LBS or the WAS. And I recall she also had issues during their separation around whether or not to spend family time together, how much, whether or not to make him plates of food, etc. He ended up moving back in and they're piecing, but I know she wishes they'd had more time apart to work on things on their own before moving back in together.

And yes, he took a lot of the problems seriously and has changed a great deal. I think the hard part for me was when he was like "now you change" in therapy. But, to be fair, there were some things I actually do have to work on. And I'm going to do my best to fix them for myself.

That is great. And he may very well be waiting to see those changes before recommitting to a M with you.

Hang in there, Rusty. Awesome progress on the career front too!