See it for what it is

[LH19]

Yeah unfortunately that’s why the reconciliation rate is so low early on. Like I always talk about you’ve seen 100 movies where Zach Efron keeps proving his love and gets the girl in the end. It doesn’t work that way in real life. Only when the LBS moves on does the WW becomes interested. People want to be with people they have to work for not ones who jump through hoops for them. I wish I could help you more but you’re kinda stuck right now.

[Indy470]

Thanks LH,

I agree with everything above.

I don't want to file and it seems like that would be the only other thing I could do to really remove myself.

I'm completely NC and I've just been doing my own thing.

I do feel better. I'm no where near as upset about all of this as I was when it started.

[LH19]

Yep it gets easier. Eventually she needs to make a decision. Keep improving and moving forward. You have your entire life ahead of you.

[Ready2Change]

I would say for both of us. Unless she is really good at faking things and is an elaborate liar about her feelings in regards to our sex life.

It sounds like you can see things from her point of view. Most guys here need to learn how to do this.

[Indy470]

R2C,

Whenever you guys ask me questions on here pertaining to our MR, I try to look at two answers.

I consider what is my answer to that question.

and then I try to consider what her answer would be.

Not to try to mindread but to consider what her point of view is.

[Ready2Change]

So you have other areas you should focus on. I believe people's belief systems get in their way and they have "one" way of behaving. Michele talks about the 180s. This thought process opens up a huge area for personal growth in all kinds of behaviors.

My spin on this is if you always go left, you are going in circles. If you learn to go right, you will just go in circles the other direction. The key is to learn to change directions as needed. Then you are in complete control of going in the correct direction, anywhere from 0 to 360 as needed.


This is why I questioned just one of your statements. You can challenge your belief system. If you see areas for positive change, then you can work on it. Sex is one of several indicators that the relationship is healthy. Identifying the unhealthy areas and addressing your issues during this phase of the process is important.

[LH19]

LH,

I agree I see alot of sitchs that follow a similar trend and it makes some sort of sense.

Can I pick your brain as to what you think happened in my sitch?

What do you think happened in your situation?

[MrBrside]

LH,

I agree I see alot of sitchs that follow a similar trend and it makes some sort of sense.

Can I pick your brain as to what you think happened in my sitch?

You ansewered your own question yesteday.

You are too Nice and it is obvious she has zero respect for you - coupled with the fact that WW is damaged goods.
You are still lookikng for reasons why, probably becuase you are thinking how to fix it.
It is also obvious ( to us here ) and to your WW that you havent dropped the rope.

Its great that you are working on you, but i think its for the wrong reasons.. You are still looking as to why it went wrong, with a view of how to fix it. You cant fix her. Why would you want to.. I've said it soooo many times.. No ties apart from a a wedding document - move on and love life.

This response had me in tears.. Litterally and i'm so glad LH still posts

Listen you unfaithful lying cheating biotch. Don’t ever text me again.

She would be in your bed tonight.

Do you have the cahonies?

This should have been your response! - but if she had come running, you would have folded..

Think "self respect" - You know she is with OM, or you dont want to discuss with her - either way, it equates to still with other man - You don't want to file - From a 3rd party looking in - do you really think it equates to respect. What do your parents think ? Do you think they respect you for being a cheaters plan B ?

I'll be frank - I would never get back with my WW, for a varierty of reasons - the main one is self respect and respect from others.. People would lose respect for me - Mum, Dad, Sister, Friends, People at work -

Respect and self respect, or the warm tingly feeling of getting a "i miss you" text from WW, but knowing you were a great Plan B - You decide.

[Indy470]

Brside,

Thanks for stopping in.

I disagree on a few things.

I think I have finally dropped the rope.

I also can tell you I'm not looking for the "why" as a way to fix it, I was curious what LH's thoughts were on it.


I do agree I was too much of a nice guy in my MR and that contributed but I think it has a lot to do with her as well.

I'm no longer trying to fix things.

[MrBrside]

I think I have finally dropped the rope.

Then why not file ?

Move on with your life - you are young, good career and have loads going for you ?

I was curious what LH's thoughts were on it.

LH has been very direct from day one of your sitch..