I agree with Steve that you can't nice him back. However, as you have sat on both sides of the fence (WAW + LBS), I believe in you to trust yourself with knowing when your friendly behavior crosses the line into allowing your H to cake-eat.
You have seen some good progress by backing off and ending the pursuit. I would suggest keeping that up, while at the same time making the interactions you do have with H friendly and fun.
Work on detaching. For me, it was helpful to look at this whole process as a long one-- ie what happened in the day-to-day mattered less than the overall shifts and changes happening over a long time. It took the pressure off those micro-moments and helped me put everything back into perspective so I could react from a place of calm and peace.
And in so many ways, you have been given a gift: you know what it is to feel ready to leave the M and give it all up and you have also felt what it feels like to be the LBS. There are so many opportunities here for you to focus on your personal growth right now. What does it mean that you were ready to leave the M? What inside of you brought you to that place? And what does it mean for you to want to stay? What inside you is motivating the desire to remain in the M despite the challenges you experienced over the years?
