Yeah it's one of MWD's coaches. Honestly, he seemed ambivalent about the invitation for a joint Halloween (Halloween was supposed to be my holiday with the kids). I offered to do it together and only offered once. He kept bringing it up over and over again, telling me he wasn't sure, he hadn't decided. I told him that was fine, it was whatever he was comfortable with. Ultimately he told me that he wanted to do it together. I said fine. He's very reluctant to spend family time together so I'm not pushing for more. I'm dropping it now. But the read I get is either (1) he's very hurt and together time is painful or (2) he is worried about leading me on. It may even be a mixture of both.
When he did agree, he asked me to come an hour before my scheduled arrival and tried to get me to stay later. He's obviously in a mixed state about all of this. I fully agree that space and distance is key. When I left Halloween he said this was so much fun. I said, "if you ever want to do activities together with the kids that's fine."
I don't know what he wants and I don't think he knows what he wants. My coach insists friendship is the foundation of a solid relationship and it's important to work on the friendship first. I don't really know where to go from here, but I do know that the whole situation needs to be much less acrimonious for the children.
Like I said previously, I acted like a raving lunatic at first. That was obviously wrong and not good for the children. At the very least, I need to be friendly and kind now. What worries me is that while DH clearly sees that I acted like a raving lunatic, I don't think he sees how his behavior contributed to me acting that way. Not that it was justified on my part. It wasn't. But I think it's very easy for him to view his wife as "crazy" without looking at how he may have contributed to that crazy. I'm biting my tongue in terms of giving advice on here because I do not want to say the wrong thing and cause harm. But I will say, in my case, there was a lot of pain and hurt behind all that "rebellion" and "crazy." And some of DH's behaviors contributed to it.
