Hi PLC and DnJ, I hope you both had a nice weekend!
I wanted to make sure my comment about detachment came across with the right intention. It has taken me a long time to understand what detachment really means in the context of a R. I have read the detachment thread several times over the past six months, but now I know what it really feels like and can live the words.
I don’t believe that detachment negates love, compassion or friendliness. Nor does detachment require one to change one’s status on standing or not standing for their M. Detachment should be a standalone concept, one that you can exercise in a healthy R or an unhealthy one.
Through the process of detaching, I have found MORE love, compassion and understanding towards H. Because I am protected from his projections, his anger and his emotions. I can choose to lean in to them, or to be a silent observer. My emotions and feelings are no longer at the mercy of his. It is an incredibly liberating place to be and probably the most healing for me.
Finding detachment is for YOU. It is not a game or a tool to win H back, nor a motivation for instigating D. It is a place of existing in acceptance, with strength. Detachment allows you to objectively observe yourself within the interactions with H. H has less impact on you because detachment acts as a filter between the outside world and your inner world. You get to choose what to let it and what to keep out. In its most simplistic form, detachment gets you out of the trees and into the forest.
I am not sure if this helps at all. I am new to this space of detachment, but it feels really healing and powerful to be here.
