Hopefully Drifting Ashore (Riding the Wave 4)

[may22]

Hi WF,

Jeez, I am seeing so many similarities between our Hs right now. The overreaction to the girls acting up, going straight to 11, blaming the behaviors on me coddling them... NUTS. Although I'm also realizing that I jump immediately to the defense when this happens, assume he's blaming me, when if I listen carefully that isn't always what is happening. How are you handling this stuff when it comes up? I know it is tense and the children are involved. Also, the deep deep insecurities you mentioned on Sage's thread.

I'm so glad things are going so well, even though the waves of anger and grief for what you've lost continue and will, probably, for some time. (((WF))) about your GF being pregnant and all that brings up. Just a small push, though, to not write your future today. I had my second daughter at 37 and know plenty of women who had children at 39 and 40. (three were on the table for us, we decided against it, but I would have been 39 or so had it happened.) Not to say that is the right path for you, but don't write it off as ridiculous quite yet.

Or, maybe after having had your first so young this is now your opportunity to travel and sleep in and do all the things that you didn't do in your twenties as a young mom, except now you have more money and sense and can do it all waaaaay better than your 20 year old self could, and this time with your H by your side.

Anyway, just to say... you have every right to be angry with your H for taking away the past year, and the security and all the rest. Feel it, own it, let it all wash over you. But you are in charge of you and if there are big things you really want to do with the next 40 plus years of your life... make them happen and drop the word "ridiculous" from your vocabulary about anything you want to do, unless it is ridiculous in a fun way.

((Wayfarer)) so glad to reconnect. And glad your thread is bumped back up-- hope some of the newbies who are in crisis read this and realize there is more than one way to DB. it doesn't all have to be kick them out of the house, file for D, and maybe they'll come back one day in the future. Yours is the path of the warrior and not everyone is cut out for it, but you're really an inspiration to me, at least.

xoxo M