Thanks for the thoughts. Detachment is definitely not easy after a decade, especially having to still deal with each other for the kids, but I'll read the thread again and work on it.
Last night I spoke to a friend who is an attorney in this field in my state to get a second (legal) opinion on OM2/kids. I thought about reaching out shortly after BD but held back because this person is a "mutual" friend and didn't want to damage the relationship. Anyway, my friend said it's completely inappropriate for OM2 to be at a D2's birthday party and coming over to the house at nights on W's weeks with the kids so soon and said clients are counseled NOT to have people they're dating over when the kids are around during divorce and my L could send a letter to W's lawyer stating we understand it's going on and ask it to stop to get it on record.
Not sure it buys me much in terms of the D, but could spook her (forgive the Halloween pun) in the short term into stopping it until more time has gone / things are more settled for the kids.
I'm going to consult my L about it next week and follow his legal advice. My only hesitation is not sure it's the right approach from a DB'ing perspective, as it might cause her to feel watched / controlled...etc., and escalate things in the D rather than a more reasonable negotiation.
Thoughts?
It is never part of DBing to do anything to elicit a reaction from her. And you're trying to control something you don't have control over. Notice your friend said inappropriate, not illegal. I wouldn't doubt if your lawyer told you just that.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
