Yeah it's so hard. Honestly, if he was just an ex-boyfriend and we weren't married and didn't have children, I would have just thrown in the towel by now. I hang out with a group of newly divorce women that I've met since I left. They are all WAWs and they all think I'm nuts for even trying to salvage it. They look at me as so pathetic. And I feel pathetic. But, in my heart, I'm an old fashioned woman. I want an in tact family. I want to keep my vows and grow old with the man who I married. I hate that I didn't honor my commitment and stay and fight for the marriage. I hate that I let him go all those months to marriage therapy alone, etc. BUT he is the WAS now. And i have to move forward with dignity. I mean, maybe he wanted out when I left? Maybe that's why he changed his mind on the third child? Who knows. I will say he threw an absolute fit when I left and said "I can't believe you would do this. It's so selfish." Those words still haunt me.
